A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Quasar
by Chant99
Summary: Based on my RPG. Moya & her crew hold over at a system with a Quasar... and Chiana begans to act peculiar.
1. Foreword

THE FARSCAPE EPIC RPG UNIVERSE: NEW CHARACTERS & SETTING.  
  
Author's Note: This story was written based on the characters from my Farscape RPG group. I though it was sort of humorous and that others might enjoy it so I thought I'd try posting it here to see what others thought. But first I need to explain a bit about our RPG so you can follow the extra characters.  
The name of the group is "Farscape Epic RPG" and it can be found on Yahoo groups for those who wish to look us up. The game is based in an alternate Farscape universe that diverges from the shows timeline somewhere after Talyn's birth but before the Chiana/D'argo relationship.  
The Berret character here is basically the same Shrike 457 character from the "Fallen Angel" series posted here at Fanfiction.net. Though the original meeting between Chiana and the Shrike took place in a different way in the game.  
The other new characters in this story are original player characters.  
  
Andar Murdough - is a Sebacean teacher from a forgotten and lost colony. Andar's people have lost so much knowledge over the cycles that space flight is considered science fiction. Andar is abducted by aliens who experiment on his brain trying to increase intelligence. The project works much better then they thought and Andar steals a shuttle and eventually finds his way to Moya. Andar becomes a sponge for any sort of knowledge and begins to go through Moya's data banks learning everything he can. He often sees machines or gadgets in his mind and will disappear for days into his workshop to build them.  
  
Malika Phatan - is a 125-year-old Delvian teenager. After spending a number of cycles as a Peacekeeper slave aboard a command carrier, she and her mother escape in a Prowler, but at the cost of the life of a young PK officer who fell in love and secretly married Malika. After a time of running and hiding, the pair run into a Syndicate Shrike and the meeting leaves young Malika with an intense hatred and distrust for the Enforcers when the assassin kills a client Malika took a job bodyguarding for, and almost kills her and her mother in the process. Sometime after that, Malika's mother is tragically killed, leaving the girl alone. She hears a story about an escaped Leviathan with a Delvian Pa'u aboard and sets out to find the living ship with the hopes of fulfilling her mother's dream of her becoming a Pa'u. She finds Moya and Zhaan (who is alive in our game) and the older Delvian agrees to take her in. However, now there is a Shrike aboard Moya as Chiana's companion and she is having a hard time controlling the tendencies for violence she developed during the hard life she lived on the run from the Peacekeepers. Through young, Malika is also a skilled healer and thanks to her parents, an educated student of exobiology. She sets up a small lab on one of Moya's lower tiers, mostly to hide out from having to be around Berret ... and possibly Andar. Both Andar and Malika feel an attraction to each other, but the Delvian isn't sure she wants to open her heart to another after what happened to her Peacekeeper husband.   
  
Sean Crichton - 70 years after the disappearance of astronaut John Crichton, his descendant Sean uses John and DK's research to construct the Wander module. In an attempt to prove that his ancestor's theories were sound, Sean repeats the slingshot effect and is also thrown halfway across the universe only with a slightly different result. The Wander module is somehow draw backward in time to the Farscape module's location and is expelled from a wormhole near Moya. Sean finds himself stunned to be surrounded by a group of aliens and suddenly faced with a family legend.   
  
This story takes place shortly after Sean Crichton joins the crew. 


	2. A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The...

The hologram of Pilot looked up from the clamshell comm on the command tier.   
"We are entering the Quasar's sphere of influence now," he told the rest of Moya's crew. An eerie pinkish light began to radiate from the forward view screen, filling the tier with a strange glow and giving everything an odd tint. Crichton pursed his lips.  
"Does anyone feel any different?" he asked.  
"Nope," replied D'argo. Besides John, Aeryn shook her head in the negative.  
"How about you, Blue? Any strange feelings from this light?" Crichton turned to Zhaan and asked.   
The Delvian shook her head. "Not a thing, John. I don't believe the spectrums of light emanating from this star are high enough to effect Delvians," the Pa'u explained. She turned to Malika and raised an eyebrow in inquiry. Malika shrugged her slim shoulders.  
"Not a twitch," said the younger woman.  
"Well," drawled Crichton, "I guess no 'happy-times' for the two of you."  
Zhaan gave the human an offhanded smirk while Malika threw him a deep frown. The younger Delvian was somewhat uncomfortable openly discussing the phenomena of photo-gasms with non-Delvian beings. It seemed to annoy the girl that her plant-like physiology was slave to certain bands of light. Crichton sighed as he seen he'd only succeeded in irritating Malika instead of making her laugh at his quip. Sometimes the young Delvian could be a bigger control-freak then Aeryn.  
"Well if anyone cares," suddenly put in Rygel, "this frelling light is making me feel funny."   
"How so Ryg?" asked John in concern, getting ready to order Pilot to starburst away if the Hynerian was seriously being affected by the Quasar's light or radio bands.  
"It's turning everything pink. It reminds me of the sickening color of your hide," said Rygel.  
Zhaan's smirk deepened. "That will be enough, Rygel," she said suppressing her amusement.  
Sean Crichton ignored the bantering of his new crewmates and stepped closer to the view screen.  
"It's beautiful," he said out loud in awe. The younger Crichton turned to face John and the others. "I never thought in a million years that I'd ever get the chance to see one so up close."  
"It is impressive," agreed Andar looking up from his science instruments and the data they displayed to look at the real thing instead of computer and sensor scans.  
"Big deal," griped Rygel. "It's a ball of funny lights and some meaningless radio static. Can we go on and move to somewhere more interesting. Say someplace where there might be some gambling going on?"  
"Rygel, you have no soul for beauty," Zhaan put in humorously. Rygel's eyes narrowed in mock contempt.  
"I've seen your blue backside enough to know that it's no special beauty or work of art," he shot in.  
"Rygel!" Malika growled before Zhaan could defend herself.  
"I would imagine your backside is likewise no great work of art either, so I wouldn't talk," the Hynerian told her. Malika looked as if she would step forward and give the Dominar a good trashing, but Aeryn laid a hand on her arm and shook her head when the girl looked at her. The ex-Peacekeeper knew that Rygel was just being annoying because he was bored and as long as someone was responding to him he would keep up the insults. Malika relaxed but the rest of the crew knew she was filing the incident away for further follow-up when the Hynerian was least expecting it.  
  
Rygel was forgotten in the next instant, as D'argo happen to glance over at the small Nebari woman.  
"Chiana?" he asked. Berret had split his time between looking out at the dancing light coming from the Quasar star and the bickering going on with Rygel. As soon as the Luxan spoke he realized that the Pixie had been unusually silent during the discussion and turned in her direction. Chiana stood beside the control panel stand, her eyelids fluttering oddly and her head tilted slightly back.  
"Pip?" Crichton asked as he turned with the rest and saw the girl's slack-faced opened mouth expression.   
"Chiana!" D'argo snapped as he laid one huge hand on her shoulder and shook her slightly.  
Chiana's eyes snapped open and she took a deep inhale of breath. The Luxan called her a third time and the woman focused on him with faraway eyes.  
"D'argo," she said dreamily and with an equally wistful smile. The Nebari melted against the big warrior's chest and wrapped her arms around him. "D'argo, D'argo," she murmured over and over as she hugged him tightly and rubbed her cheek against him. Chiana began to sigh loudly as if she were experiencing the greatest feeling she ever felt before. Shocked, D'argo stood speechless with his arms upraised not sure if he should touch the odd acting Nebari. At a loss, he looked to the rest of his friends for help. Andar stepped away from his instruments and looked befuddled at the pair.  
"Is she all right?" he asked.  
At the sound of the Sebacean man's voice, Chiana perked up and pushed herself away from D'argo.  
"Andar!" she cried happily as if she hadn't seen the man in cycles. Before anyone could move, she left the Luxan and grabbed onto the ex-teacher's PK vest and hugged him in as tightly as she had D'argo. Andar would have voiced his further concern if Chiana hadn't shoved the top of her head under his chin and forced his head back at an odd angle while she rubbed the top of her head against his recently shaved skin. At the same time, Chiana begin playing with his vest as if she were fascinated by the texture of the leather. Malika's mouth dropped down in a one-sided frown and she crossed her arms over her chest as she watched the event unfold before her. Andar shot her a look that said he didn't understand what was going on and that it would be nice if someone rescued him.  
Rygel made the next mistake of attracting Chiana's attention. "What the yotz has gotten into her?" he asked in a gruff voice. Chiana's eyes shot open at the comment.  
"Froggy!" she exclaimed as she released Andar and headed in the Hynerian's direction. Rygel yelped as Chiana undid her elbow length gloves and threw them to the deck. Before he could escape, the Nebari girl caught him and began running her hands through his ear-brows and whiskers.  
"Hey! Ha-ha! Stop that!" Rygel demanded between his chuckles. "That tickles... cut it out! heh-heh... ouch! Watch what you're pulling on you insane monochrome tramp!... hah-ha..."  
"This is really strange, even for us," Crichton said to Berret in a low voice. Berret nodded his agreement as he watched his friend's odd behavior. Chiana happy pulled on and stroked Rygel's whiskers for a few more microts as Zhaan bent to retrieve a portable med-kit from under the command pedestal. Chiana looked almost blissful as she continued to run her bare hands through the Hynerian's wispy hair until Zhaan called to her.  
"Chiana, dear. May I see you for a microt?" she said.  
The Nebari gave her a pleased smile. "Zhaan," she said in her dream-like tone. Chiana rushed to her.  
"I want to look you over," explained the Delvian. Chiana nodded her head as if eager to please the other woman. Zhaan ran the portable med-scanner over the girl's body and tried to ignore the fact that Chiana had started to run her hands over her silk robes. Moaning in ecstasy, Chiana pulled a length of the cloth up to her face and took turns rubbing it from one cheek to the other. To avoid being knocked over by the Nebari girl, Zhaan had to sit herself into a nearby chair while she read the results of her scan from the device. Chiana didn't help the task along any after she climbed into Zhaan's lap. The Pa'u had to call up different aspects of the medical scans one handed as Chiana gave up on her robes and took one of the Delvian's hands and rubbed it against her face, all the while moaning in pleasure at the feel.  
"I think I'm going to be sick," said Malika as Zhaan finally looked up from her scanner.  
"These reading are rather odd," said the older Delvian while the girl in her lap threw her arms around her neck and gave her a huge hug.  
"Tell us something we already haven't figured out," Sean said.  
"There is an unusual amount of neural activity in the third and fourth frontal lobe spheres in Chiana's brain," Zhaan explained in total composure, seemingly not to notice the fact that Chiana had started to lick the right side her face.  
"Now..." said Malika in a positive tone, "I know I'm going to be sick."  
"Great... what's that mean in plain English, Blue?" asked John. "Yes? What?" added Aeryn.  
Too late the couple realized they spoken loud enough to get Chiana's attention away from Zhaan. Bounding out of the Priestess' lap, Chiana made a straight line toward her friends with a huge smile on her gray face. The Nebari girl threw her arms wide open to embrace the ex-Peacekeeper. Aeryn dodged the hug.  
"Don't even think about it!" Aeryn warned, pointing a forefinger at Chiana's nose.  
Undeterred, the girl changed course and threw herself at Crichton. John was slower that the female Sebacean and Chiana locked both arms around him before he could escape. The Nebari pressed her head against John's chest and began muttering his name over and over again.  
"So what's this all about, Zhaan?" the human asked while he did his best to pretend Chiana wasn't trying to bore a hole through his body with her cheeks.  
"The third and forth frontal lobes of the Nebari brain control sensation and sensory input," explained the Delvian woman. "I should also point out that the forth lobe is also strongly connected to the pleasure centers that are sexual in nature to a Nebari. Its one of the neural centers that Nebari mental cleansing works to suppress."  
"So what's causing Chiana to act this way?" Aeryn asked.  
"The Quasar light," put in Malika. "Certain frequencies affect certain being's brain functions in different ways. If the frequency was only several hundred joules higher, it would have been us having the... problem."  
"Well, I for one... won't consider that a problem," replied Zhaan teasingly. "At any rate. The light is making Chiana feel starved for sensory input, especially of the sensual-tactual type."  
"Great!" said Crichton and then he let out a grunt as Chiana squeezed herself tighter to him, almost driving the breath out of his lungs. "Pilot! How much longer until Moya can starburst us out of this system?"  
"I'm afraid it will be another 1.39 arns before Moya will be able to go into starburst again, Commander," Pilot reported from the clamshell comm.  
"Perfect, just perfect," John moaned. "So until then we're stuck with a touchy-feely Nebari with an overtaxed libido."  
"Could be worse, John," Sean put in with an evil grin. "It could be D'argo with the raging case of hyper libido."  
The Luxan frowned at the younger Crichton, "Very funny... remind me to throw you out the nearest airlock the next time we go into starburst."   
John rolled his eyes at the bickering. He looked as if he were going to add something and then changed his mind. He turned back to Zhaan.  
"Is Pip going to be okay? This isn't going to hurt her if we stay here too long?" he asked.  
Zhaan shook her head and held up a hand to tell him she had no fears for Chiana's well being.  
"She'll be fine as soon as we leave this system and the Quasar behind us," she promised.  
Relieved, John looked down at the Nebari wondering what to do with her. His gaze fell on Berret who was standing by watching all that was happening. The Shrike was obviously relieved with Zhaan's assurance that Chiana would suffer no ill effects from the light other than what she was now experiencing. In these instances having no expertise to offer, he found it was best to stay out of the way and let the Delvians do the medical work.  
"You!" said John as he pointed at Berret.  
"Me?" the Shrike replied in confusion. He suddenly wondered if John blamed him for Chiana's condition for some reason. "I had nothing to do with it," Berret said before Crichton could assign him any blame for the situation. At the sound of his voice, Chiana's head lifted from its place on Crichton's chest.  
"Retty!" she exclaimed as she abandoned Crichton and slammed into the Shrike. Chiana bounced into the air and wrapped both her legs and arms around Berret, causing the man to stagger backwards a few steps to catch his balance. "I almost forgot about you," she breathed heavily as she worked her cheeks against his.  
"Good," said Crichton in relieve. "Now you can do something with her and keep her busy and out of our way."  
"Like what?" asked the ex-assassin perplexed.  
"I dunno," answered John. "Find something. Whatever it is that you two do that makes her happy."  
"You want me to take her somewhere where she can steal something?" Berret asked puzzled.  
John threw his hands up in frustration. "Look... just go and do something. Anything that will keep her occupied and out of serious trouble. Don't the two of you have any 'hobbies' when you spend time together?" John hinted.  
"Oh!" said Berret with an understanding nod of his head, the light finally seeming to dawn. The Shrike looked down at Chiana. "Would you like to go to the center chamber and find something to eat?" he asked her. The Nebari girl's eyes lit up at the mention of food.   
"Oh yes!" she almost panted. "Maybe there are some of those Fellmisk desert cubes left. Fellmisk with Swoc's whipped cream... Mmmmm!" Chiana groaned while licking at her lips at the thought of the desert cubes waiting for them in the mess. "Hurry up, 'Ret. Let's go!"  
Berret almost pointed out that it would be easier if Chiana climbed down and walked to the center chamber under her own power. But the girl went back to hugging him and rubbing her cheek against his so he gave up on the idea and just simply turned and walk out of command carrying her.  
Crichton watched the pair leave and shook his head in disbelief. "That wasn't the kind of 'hobbies' I was referring to," he said idly.  
Zhaan chuckled. "Well, tasting food is another form of sensory input," the Delvian told him.  
Besides him, Aeryn smirked and elbowed him in the side. "Yes, Crichton... you shouldn't be so focused on sex. Get your mind out of the clutter," she told him.  
"Its 'gutter,' Aeryn," he corrected. "Its 'get your mind out of the gutter,' not clutter."  
Sean looked like he was just about to add something more into the conversation, but a look from John told him one of his wise cracks wouldn't be welcomed right then, so he filed it away for future use. He looked back out at the Quasar figuring he might as well get as much of a look as he could before they left the system. So far this trip has turned from one unexpected twist to another. One thing for sure, he had a feeling it was going to get a lot stranger before it was over. 


End file.
